I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
