Slut skills are useful in every country.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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