His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize