i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
