may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize