from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
