My friends, they love my intelligence
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
