you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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