I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
