New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
