i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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