good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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