she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We're too hungover to prance.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
