Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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