Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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