hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize