Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
