I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
