I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
