Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
