I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You ate ashes out of my bong
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
