I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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