this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
honey bunches of taint.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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