Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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