Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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