you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize