apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
