I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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