i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
