There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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