my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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