Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize