She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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