Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
