Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
