I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
