batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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