the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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