VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
