went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
