Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
