My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
