"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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