she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I pour the whiskey from now on
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
