Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
