you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
