hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
