We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize