Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
