i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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