you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
