I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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