This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
