I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
