Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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