I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize