remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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