dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
