I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
