you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
