im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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