I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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