They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize