i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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