o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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