dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
