The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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