I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think your dad took our porno
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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